Sarah Jio is a well known writer and current blogger for Glamour.com for their Health and Fitness section. This week she has touched upon subjects such as body image issues and eating disorders. I wrote her an email with my take on the matter. Here's an excerpt.
"I know that weight between mothers and daughters is a century old battle. It's an issue discussed at length in magazines and on television. Why? Do all daughters forget what it was like to be criticized by their mothers? How about fathers and daughters? How about casual yet careless comments about food or a double chin at the dinner table? As this generation becomes parents it might be wise to double check ourselves as we speak to our children about this sensitive issue (of weight).
I know that all kids are not sensitive about their weight but I can gather that most are aware of it. I teach high school kids and almost all the girls are unhappy with their bodies. Some blame media but I honestly think a loving and accepting family holds much more influence than images or ads. They can not only build a foundation of self esteem and self worth but also combat the pressures and ruthless ideals from the world.
While putting band-aids (or huge gauze strips) on wounded self images is so important to me and to many woman today, I also believe stronger defense systems are needed from the start. The dinner table should be a refuge from the world, not a place of struggle or self consciousness."
As our generation becomes parents, aunts, uncles, and mentors I think we have a responsibility to stop the cycle of self doubt and self consciousness before they start in children. This is part of the challenge for Love Our Bodies Week. My friend Ashley has not only taken up this challenge but also had her children participate in listing 5 things they like about their bodies. Isn't that awesome?
What's your take on this? Were your parents supportive or critical? Why must weight ever be an issue at home?
14 comments:
Just as a side note, my parents are great about this now but they weren't always so supportive. I was not a skinny child (I was not obese either) and was put on Slim Fast in second grade, sent to a nutritionalist in third grade, and given a personal trainer in fifth grade. All in the name of health. Again, there had to be a better way because keeping a food journal is a bit embarrassing when you are eight.
My mother never said too much to me about my body. I do, however, remember her telling me that I had a "double chin" from my father's side of the family. It's hardly that at all, but I was sensitive about it for years, so much so that I almost let a plastic surgeon lipo-suck the little extra fat there out. She was always more critical about her body and I think I picked up a lot of her body anxieties. I'm finally getting over them, but I agree with you: we do need stronger defense systems. And it has to start with the parents.
PS. Have I told you today that I love your blog? I've just added you to my blogroll.
Hmm, that's definitely an interesting thought. Being an exercise major I'm very interested in keep myself and my family healthy and fit and plan to do everything I can to make sure we get the proper amount of exercise, nutrition, and sleep. It is also good to keep in mind that we need to love ourselves where we're at in our journey, though. I'll keep this in mind as my kids grow.
BLESS YOUR HEART!!!!
I grew up in a home with "girls need to be pretty" = THIN. From a mother that always looked good, but battled weight, I learned one thing : happiness is THIN. When I hit 89 lbs at 16, everyone was scared. BUt I was HAPPY. It was my DOOR to life. The SAD thing was that ... my mom thought I looked good. At 5'6" and 89lbs... until one day she thought I was a little too thin, but it was way to late for my brain to process anything of that sort. I still don't know how I got out of that pit. But it still never leaves me. It hits it's harderst during the pregnancies. And all those "well, Olya, you ALWAYS look good", REALLY DON'T help. My secret wish?! For the dance world to BANISH the skinny image. And for all just to accept people the way they are. Yes, there must be wisdom in food and all. but life really does NOT revolve around the pant size, although somehow it still makes me feel better then I get an approval from my mother. Sad. Family is CRUCIAL. Hence I learned that education children on the best nutrition is MORE important then anything. I always want to secretly strangle all those people that comment that my baby "really does not miss her dinners" ( as she is huge comparing to my 3 year old daughter who is tiny). At those times I just really wish the lighting came really close to them or something, so that they could get a better outlook on life and busy selves with something important.
I was always active and my Mom never really said anything about my weight. However, as a high school student I was hyper-critical of my body. I would say that was the closest that I ever brushed with an unhealthy relationship with food.
I would say that I am more self-conscious of my body now, as an adult who is trying to remember how to be an active person but I don't have unrealistic expectations anymore. I just want to be healthy and toned. There are things I don't like about my body but they can be helped by activity and healthy eating.
I think it's important to encourage healthy eating and eating until you're full, not until the plate is empty. Also, everything in moderation. I can't stand to listen to people my age list all the things they can't eat under this diet or that diet.
I hadn't really thought about my parents contributing to matters of weight control too much, but since you mention it, I do think they have a huge part in their children's feelings about their body image.
Mine were always super supportive of me...and constantly worried about me being too thin. My mom and I have the same metabolism though, and I was always a stick growing up. My mom still always asks me about how much I eat, and is very nice and encouraging to tell me I look great. It definitely helps, because I never worried about my weight throughout all my teenage years.
I'm glad my parents were awesome.
My Mom was always very understanding and supportive. I hope I can be the same way! Especially if I have a daughter someday!
My body issues came more from my sister than my parents. My older sister has a much thicker body build, and I was always super thin. I think it was hard on her to see me so thin when she wasn't as thin (though she wasn't fat either); so she was hard on me.
I was so used to being so small that when the scale topped 100 pounds I had a serious reality check. I was really anxious about weighing so much, not because anyone said anything about my body, but because I had never seen three numbers in a row before.
I think it's more important to parents to teach their children about being healthy than about an ideal body image. "Ideal" is different for everyone.
Weight was never an issue in my home. We never discussed it. I think that if there were some serious problems, it would have become a topic of conversation; but everyone was just...normal weight-wise, so it never really came up. :)
I love all your comments- so candid and interesting. I love how Brandi mentioned having a positive outlook of yourself for your children. I think that is so true considering how much they mimic their parents.
Thank you for sharing so much, Tiffany, in the name of helping all of us be better at this.
My mom grew up in a home where there was so much pressure to be thin and she has had her struggles because of it. I am so thankful to her, though, for breaking the cycle for me. I never felt criticized in any way. I know she made a concerted effort and I'm grateful for it. I just hope I can do the same for my daughters.
My parents were always very supportive in this regard. They would compliment me - even when I gained a few pounds. It actually meant a lot to me to have a supportive family, as I definitely felt pressure from the media and some circles of friends at times. It also helps that we were a very active family - more focus on using our bodies to have fun and move well, than how fit we appeared.
My parents, as much as I love them, and as good as their intentions have been, are definitely a party to the root of my self-consciousness. My mom especially was always quick to point out, from an early age, that our family had the propensity to get "fat arms" and that I had to watch my arms. She hasn't worn anything sleeveless since I was BORN! It's actually not that bad, but she's really self-conscious about it. The real kicker is this: she's never done a thing about it. She's always done the diet thing, but never the exercise. Anyway, I've been obsessed with my arms and though they are thin and toned, I am still not happy enough with them and am seriously terrified of them getting 'big'. I've got issues, that's for sure! And that's just the beginning of it. Oh, there's so much. All I know is that when I have children, I am going to raise them confident and proud of everything they are. I vowed long ago to be the opposite of my parents, on that topic. I couldn't agree with you more. It's hard enough to find esteem in the face of the perfection that the media shoves down our throats, but if people equip their children with confidence from the start, the battle is a whole lot easier.
Thank you again for your post. It means a lot and should be said more often.
@Jaeve + Things- That is so interesting about the arms. A mother's influence is so crucial.
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