I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness. I'm trying to get over some things that happened last summer and, whew, it is hard! Then I think that maybe I'm just not trying hard enough. Then I second guess myself and think that maybe I'm trying too hard and forgiveness is a lot simpler than I'm making it. Either way, I know forgiveness is a necessity to having a healthy soul and clear mind yet for some reason I'm hanging on
Have you ever had a hard time forgiving someone?
Or do you just say, 'It's not worth it', and move on?
(And Lenore, this photo is for you! xoxo)
PS... thanks for all the shoe suggestions. I'll let you know what Mr. Branflake buys.
45 comments:
I used to have a really hard time with it all...but I think a few years ago I realized that its not really good for me to hold a grudge so I promised myself to change it all...What I would do is....Count the pros and coins and then see whats more important for you...Then you will be able to let go much easier:)
Happy Tuesday,darling
I think it's usually a healthy choice to have forgiveness in your heart (or at least try to) but it's also important to never forget because we learn from those experiences.
hope all is better soon : )
I think forgiveness and letting go somewhat can do wonders for your mental health! But I agree with the posters above - it's never bad to learn life lessons from the experience...see whether it's worth it to let go completely, or salvage it somehow. All the best!
I think forgiveness is a conscious decision to let it go. However I'm of the opinion you don't forget,because that's how you learn from a situation.
I've asked myself that question many times over the years. I believe you have to decide to forgive a person, or at least move on past a situation. However, that doesn't mean you forget what happened or that a friendship can be repaired or that things will go back to the way they were. Forgiveness allows you to move forward, not backwards.
generally, forgiveness isn't about getting over what somebody has done to us, its about getting over ourselves and our problem with it and how our mind is going about dealing with it.
we feel like we shouldn't be treated like that, how dare they?! but..would we do the same if we were in the same situation with the same emotions and surroundings? probably.
i guess its easy for me to sit here and preach when iv always found it easy to forgive, but iv only found it easy because if something bad happens..ill wish to god i had forgiven.
i think you have look objectively. if they did something specifically to hurt you, be bigger, forgive them and they can deal with the kind of person they are. If they didn't mean it and are sorry and act out how sorry they are (big believer in actions speaking louder than words) forgive them - acting on sorriness is a good exchange for forgiveness.
if you hold your problem to you, and hold onto the hurt, and don't forgive, what kind of person does that make you become? i think you become not much better than the person who needs forgiving.
xxxxxxxxxx
This might sound terrible, but I don't try to forgive. I'm quite an old testament person - an eye for an eye (or maybe it's all the scorpionic energy in my horoscope?). I feel more healthy and in tune with my feelings this way. Oh dear, this sounds so mean, maybe I should delete it... All I can say is I don't try to forgive, it just happens (or not). Plus, I ALWAYS forgive the people I love. Love over hate... I think I can live with this.
So personally I don't think you should push yourself into forgiveness. But then, I might not be the best adviser on this.
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet doggie. I know Lenore will love him! xo
I used to hold a grudge.. but staying angry is like letting someone live in your brain, rent free. It's not worth it.
Firstly Thank you Tiffany!
oooh...Adorable pug!!
I must continue to use the 'F' word=
Forgiveness in my life! I think bitterness/un-forgiveness is like a poison in our mind, body & soul!
xo
Oh, Tiffany :) Over the years, I've learned that forgiveness is a balsam for a wounded heart. It heals, and helps, it gives one strength. However, it does not erase the memory on the spot. It turns a picture from bright color into mere black and white, and with time, that fades too. Forgiveness means love for me. And I never thought that I would say - i learned to love my enemy. I also learned , that having done that, it did not make my life painless. It put some structure , if you will :) made it more understandable, never the less, it is still difficult at time.
It is more difficult when you have to forgive those that you willingly let into your life , and even more so - heart. The degree of pain varies by the causes of it - after all, the deeper the wound, the longer the healing.
Hanging on does not mean there is no forgiveness - it's simply the memory - the scar - that lingers for a while, until it diminishes. That's how I see it.
The world would be such a better place, if we all, just a little bit more, tried to live cautiously . Sometimes an accidental word in times of desperation or anger, can leave a wound deep enough to kill. Human lives are fragile. Human hearts and souls are dainty.
I guess it depends what it is that you are forgiving and who it is. Surround yourself with loving positive people and screw the ones that bring you down or wish you ill. Forgiveness is necessary for your own growth and in order to be at peace....it's not easy....
For me forgiving isn't the hard part, it's the forgetting. And gaining the trust back.
On a side note that pug is the cutest thing ever!
It depends. If it's not a big issue I have no problems forgiving. But the bigger things... those are very hard for me to forgive.
I think forgiving can be very hard. Then again,I'm also very stubborn. Sometimes I think it takes a long time to be ready to forgive. Just keep working at it.
I've been having a very hard time forgiving certain people for things that they've done to me. One was a best friend & the other was an ex-bf. I'm trying to do the it's not worth it & move on but it does linger. I think time helps forgiveness. Definitely time & new people & new feelings. Good luck dear. It's okay to struggle with it I'm right there with ya!
What a brilliant post - I have loved reading through all the comments. I too think that forgiving is sometimes really hard. I think that I have forgiven people but then I still seem to be haunted by them. It's a life lesson, but I would still always try my best to forgive. I once heard someone say that certain people who are in your life are like sandpaper, yes they grate on you, but they sand your raw edges and smooth you out. I love that, it helped me a lot.
For me, the more I can put myself in that persons shoes, and see why they may have done or said the things they did, it is easier for me to understand. Agree? No maybe no.. probably not. But understand yes. For me to understand is a major part in me being able to forgive. If I can see even a glimmer of reason as to what lead someone to those actions, I can try to forgive them as well. It isn't always easy. Being able to do so is what makes that forgiveness so powerful in the first place. you cant hand it out like candy. your forgivness wouldn't mean anything.
Hope you find peace with summers past :)
Personally, I find that you can forgive, but you can never forget. Once something happens, you can't just push it out of your mind and act as if it didn't. :/
That photograph is cuteness!! :)
It took me years to truly forgive a friend but time helped heal the wound. I was so hurt and the friendship ended badly. When we reconnected almost 8 years later it felt strange but so good to move on. Things will never be the way there were but it's good to have that weight off of my chest.
I had a frenemy who I cut ties with completely. Forgiveness was not an option. I pray for her, but that's about as far as I can bring myself to go. When true malice is involved, I find forgiveness to be very difficult!
Well this is something that has consumed me since yesterday- I read through all the comments and found Susan E's to be helpful:
I guess it depends what it is that you are forgiving and who it is. Surround yourself with loving positive people and screw the ones that bring you down or wish you ill.
These words ring so true but:
What if you have no choice? what if you are forced to spend time with people who don't wish you- or an extention of yourself- your children well- How do you forgive that? What if you forgive only to be hurt and humiliated and taunted over and over?
To be in cycle of negativity and not be able to able to escape because to end the relationship would mean hurting the person you love most in the world is a shitty place to be.
i can forgive anyone really easy. it's myself i find the hardest.
Missy
Blending Style, Beauty and Fashion
http://thefashionfusion.blogspot.com
it's harder to forgive when that person meant a lot to you because you cannot believe that they somehow were able to hurt you... those i don't care about i just forget about them... have a nice one!
I have a hard time forgiving in the past, but you are 100% right, forgiveness is more about having a healthy soul and peace of mind, the lack of it affects us in ways we cannot even comprehend and ties us to the person we haven't forgiven. I also think it takes time and it is something we need to do every day until the feeling disappears.
xo
Forgiveness is a tough thing. I think it has to do with moving on and letting go. It's a decision I have to make with my mind and inform my heart because the heart is where the hurt/disappointment lies.
I had someone do something very horrible to me a few years ago and it had my life off the tracks for over a year. Forgiveness was something I had to work toward and it took time, but I got there.
I know you will too. In whatever way works best for you. Do not let this eat you alive from the inside. Your life is worth more than that - and so are you.
xoxo,
Carrie
Oh, this is a question I have asked myself so many times...especially when dealing with very hard betrayals. I do tend to forgive, and then really believe it isn't worth it. Often, weeks/months later, I don't even remember what I was upset about because it truly doesn't affect me anymore. I move on and focus on the good people and good things in my life - and it really replenishes me.
I think the biggest thing is to not be afraid to go through the stages of anger when being betrayed (or whatever else it was)...experience it, live in it, then let it go. :)
This is such a great post, Tiffany! You always get me thinking - I love that :)
forgiving is sooo hard! it takes time i think and eventually it feels good to forgive and move past things. but it takes time.
ps - LOVE this photo! pugs rule!
I love this pug-his little face on my google reader was such a treat!
As for forgiveness, it sure ain't easy. I'm struggling to move past things that happened 2 years ago, if you can believe it! I don't see myself as someone who holds a grudge, but sometimes, no matter how much you want to forgive, it just isn't that simple. I try to truly understand where the other person was coming from, and that often changes my anger or mistrust into sympathy.
Nice blog : )
lovely posts ♥
/Fashion Bowie
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In response to your question about how I posted a song...
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adorable picture!!!
on forgiveness.. i think it is always worth it... yet doesn't make it easy. i sometimes wonder if unless you tell someone you forgave them if you really truly do?
Blah, it didn't post the code that I was telling you to add! Put < /embed > at the end of the code, just without the spaces.
well i always say forgive and move on but never forget!
nice blog btw! and cute doggie!
xoxo jenna
I have a hard time forgiving people sometimes - thats something I'm trying to change about myself!! I'm getting better and better at it. :)
For me, it really depends on what happened. Sometimes I just move on, but other times it takes a really long time to forgive someone. They have to really show me that they're truly sorry about what they did & not just saying it to try to mend things quicker.
oh dear I lucky to found your blog.
you're just same with me. forgiveness is so damn hard. and till now, I can't forgive someone that hurt me a couple month ago! he was the only that I thinking about for the whole days of mine.
but just believe, you'll forgive it by your self.
don't be so hard to try it. it'll hurt your self.
take care..
xo, Lorine
Usually I forget.
I think what Brandi said is really wise. Forgive and let go, but forgiving is not the same as forgetting. Learn from the situation and move on.
this photo is just adorable!
i am not the most forgiving person ever. i should try harder. many times i just cut my losses and cut a person out of my life if it is too hard to forgive them, or if i think they are not worth it. i know that sounds harsh. perhaps i should mend my ways, as i know i am not perfect and that people most likely have to forgive me and my ways all of the time!
wow, i can so relate to this post, tiffany. normally i find it very easy to forgive and move on, but i, too, had an extremely hurtful situation happen to me last year that i had a lot of trouble letting go of. and it doesn't help matters when you do your best to reconcile with the person who has wounded you and they continue to be bitter and hurtful.
i think hollie really hit the nail on the head in her comment above....i had to internally forgive this person even though i know they will never formally apologize to me. if i didn't, i would be forever mulling over the situation in my mind and allowing them space in my life that they simply don't deserve to occupy.
Forgiveness takes time and patience. It often doesn't matter how much we rationalise to our logical minds that we SHOULD forgive because it takes time for that forgiveness to be internalised. Then one day you wake up and find your emotions have caught up with your frame of mind and you feel tons better.
Cut yourself some slack, ok? :-)
I am with you on forgiveness, I hang on way too long, had a situation just recently that I removed myself from and still the bad feeling, sadness lingers on, I think after reading this "It's not worth, it, and I am moving on. Lovely post and pooch!
Gina
wow what a topic. there is some great insight in these comments. i really think time is everything. i have forgiven and then still felt hurt and felt confused... didnt i forgive that person? but you just do your best and time takes care of the rest!
It's extremely difficult to forgive; I'm very stubborn. In fact, I'm the kind of person that if feels whatever was done to me if unforgivable, I will cut that person out of my life. And then I deal with months sometimes years of resentment, never really forgiving. I know it's not health but its so hard not to care.
xo anastasia b
No, hardly ever. I've just recently forgiven someone that wronged me some time ago. It was so extremely hard and even though it still remains the fact that he hurt me, I can move on and live in spite of it.
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