Photo by my good friend and photographer, Susan Yee, from her iPhone.
Confession: I've left Mr. Branflake five times. The first time was a month after he proposed. Things were amazing and I was loving every minute of being engaged. But one day I got a phone call from my mom which led me to flying back to California to take care of a sick grandparent for a month. Mr. Branflake was a saint and did not once murmur any complaint as I was two states away.
The fifth time was last summer. It was only two weeks but toward the end I was missing him so much that I flew back a day early. I really really needed that day to be with him.
This time I will not only be gone for an entire month but also an entire continent and an entire ocean. Time away is hard, but distance seems to be the hardest.
Maybe I should stack the freezer with cookie dough. He says my chocolate chip cookies are his favorite.
I love to travel and I love adventures. Mr. Branflake always calls me a free spirit (I think he says that endearingly. Right? RIGHT?!) But the truth is that I miss him horribly as soon as I sink into an empty bed in an unfamiliar place. A tough situation for someone who has chosen this lifestyle.
So I'm thinking of ways to ease the pain of distance. When I left for tour the first time, I packed the fridge with homemade lasagnas and my awesome spaghetti and meatballs. It was a comfort to me that he was eating well and remembering me while doing so.
How do you deal with being away from a loved one?
(Any creative ideas? The time difference between California and Great Britain is 8 hours. Sigh.)
29 comments:
I am so sorry dear! I would give you a hug and some cookies and ice-cream if we lived closer but I cannot reply to that question :s
xx
oh i know, it's so hard to be away. dannon used to take long trips back home {a month or two} during holidays and summers, and for 6 months in college we dated long distance. while the time difference is pretty big with the UK, you can still probably work out a skype date here and there, and i always like to get creative with surprises. once i hid little love notes all over in his suitcase/clothes pockets which you could easily do around the house before you leave. i've also mailed him fun things. you could maybe write up a bunch of letters and give them to a neighbor/friend before you leave? then they could drop one in your mailbox every couple of days {if you think it will take too long to mail from the UK that is}. and one other thing i did once was leave my fanciest undies with a note that said i wouldn't be wearing them for anyone else but him.
it's funny you posted about this today because D just left yesterday for a 10 day trip back home to see his family and work a side job. at the airport we realized that even though we've only been living together a short time, we've pretty much seen each other every day for the past 3 years. i am definitely feeling his absence even though it's only been a day. sniff!
Oh that is so much time! I can't imagine how difficult it is to have to leave for such a long amount of time. Since we've been married, the longest J and I have been apart is maybe a week. I don't know if I could do longer than that!
As for dealing with it, I'm probably no help. But I always feel better if I know he has reminders of me. So cookie dough in the freezer is an amazing idea. Notes in random places that he'll find unexpectedly (like stuffed in the next roll of toilet paper, or in the box of butter).
Best of luck dear!
*kate
Hubs sometimes goes away for a few days at a time for business. I actually look at it as Me Time. I eat whatever I want, watch whatever I want, blast my favorite music... and try not to miss him ;-)
Personally, I can't stand being away from loved ones. I find that I'm always worrying about them.
But in the world of love...distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? :)
It's harrrrd...I feel ya'
but you may already know that I travel for work so often that it's getting much easier now, holiday seasons are the hardest for me...I've survived through them all though!
aww, Tiffany, this is so sweet! I've only left Bryan a few times, and it is tough. That's so cute that you came home a day early last summer.
firstr it's so amazing u get to travel and do what u love - second when you come home u come home to man longing for you - i think it's good! - couples need time apart - it prob makes ur relationship THAT much better!
This is a sweet post. I've always wondered if all the time apart is hard on you guys. We've done the weeks apart but after Joe's month away last summer I think we both said never again. It was just too long. I don't know how military couples do it. Maybe I'd feel differently if it was me getting to travel? :)
Now I'm getting ready to leave for two weeks and I've been doing the same thing--freezing meals. I'm hoping he'll actually pull away from studying long enough to make them. The benefit of time apart is definitely appreciating each other more so I think some time away is a good thing every once in awhile...
I am mad as mad a humming bird. So I prefer a healthy balance of distance and closeness. xx
Skype helps, although the time difference may make that a challenge. Also, staying busy, which shouldn't be a problem for you!
Oh man, Tiffany - I TOTALLY FEEL YOU. Mardy and I were going out for only two months when I left for a study abroad program that August (that I couldn't skip because I needed the last class to graduate). That was, I think, the hardest time being away from home. We talked on the phone everyday (yes, everyday...which meant expensive phone bills!), but I really missed him horribly. It was in the beginning, too, you know? That honeymoon period. It was so hard. But I came home a day earlier than he thought, had my mom pick me up at the airport and coordinated a surprise for him (he was SO surprised! :).
And then I left the next April to go on a Europe trip with my two dear friends, but Mardy came to join me two weeks later and I finished my travels with him (it was so good to see him!). And THEN, that August, I went traveling with my sister in Europe (again), and this time, it was a full three weeks away from him. (I missed him still, but I was starting to feel a little more comfortable).
And then, finally, I did a six month stint in Taiwan, studying Chinese and being with family. Mardy only came to visit once for two weeks. You would think that was the hardest, but it actually turned out to be the easiest. I guess it was because we were so committed to each other already, and you just adjust to a new normal. We would still talk almost everyday (videochat is genius), but I think we just adjusted well. I actually did miss him more after he came to visit.
Whew! And then I'm leaving him again this August for a trip to Europe again with my sister!
I know it can be really tough being away, and I never get over missing Mardy whenever I leave. (I've been on trips in between too, but I've begged Mardy to come with me ;). Still, I think if you realize just how wonderful the experience of traveling is...you try to just really enjoy your time, live it up every single second. Time passes all too quickly!
P.S. My first study abroad was in Cambridge, so I dealt with the CA/Great Britain time difference. I would wake up early in the morning and talk to Mardy as soon as he got home from work. Or I'd talk to him at night, before he went off to work. You guys will figure it out ;)
ohhh... but think how great it will be to be back with him!! Your the sweetest ever! making home cooked meals for him while your away lol how cute is that! Skype?? Sexting? lol these are not my best ideas ever.
You two have such a beautiful relationship! You are both incredibly supportive and loving. You are my role models for if I ever love again.. (just not here in Pullman...)
My Aunt makes amazing chocolate chip cookies. Everyone asks for them. She has taken to making loads of cookies when she has time and freezing them, a dozen in a bag. When people want them, she sets out a bag for defrost. They are still delicious!!! And, for added bonus, they can be microwaved for a short amount of time and it is like they are right out of the oven. Maybe this could be a process for the Mr?
Guh-there's nothing easy about being away. John and I were rarely apart after we spent a year long-distance, but even if he's only gone for a few days, I feel pretty awful.
I think the most important thing is keeping busy, planning fun things to do while your sweetheart is away. It'll make you feel like you're missing out on less, and will keep your brain occupied so you're not always aching. And yes, stocking the fridge is pretty genius.
awww i am soo sorry you have to be away from him for so long!! :(
well as you know, i'm always traveling for work and my husband travels too so we are away from each other quite a bit. i think the best things to do are to keep busy so time flies by faster (blogging should help)! also, we talk on the phone every night before bed and that definitely helps too!! :)
good luck sweetie, we will be here for u!!
xo,
sandy
oh, it must be tough to be away from each other. but it must make the reunion time so special!
years ago i had a boyfriend that was a captain. he was gone a lot and for months at a time. emailing helped. but your plan is even better!
Ohh...Im so sorry! Whenever Balazs travels for work we make sure to Skype a lot. Video chats are perfect to stay in touch even with big time differences. Kisses, sweetie. Have a relaxing weekend
oh my- that is a long time- I don't have any good advice- I'm going to be away from Dr J this summer for three weeks but I'll have our monkeys which somehow makes it easier for me- Certainly I don't have to sleep alone- my youngest usually likes to be in bed with me when we are sleeping somewhere else.
It makes me SO sad when I think about Dr. J coming home to a quiet house though- I'm for sure going to cook lots of food for him- my home made bread, dinners to freeze and I'll have the cleaning lady do his laundry for him just so he doesn't have to.
Awwww! You ARE a free spirit, but it's still tough. I highly recommend a bag full of cookies and skype :)
xo,
C
So hard when my husband goes away. He's living tonight, just for the weekend. But it's my first few days alone with our 4 month old daughter, so I'm sure I'll be missing him more!
xo
Alexa
www.theshortandthesweetofit.com
My family is pretty much everywhere. So it means I use Skype a lot. We stay in contact in little ways too, my kids get a special note from my cousin in Strasbourg on the same stationary every year for Christmas. We send and tiny presents through the good old fashioned snail mail.
Wow, that is a long time to be apart :( I feel for you and give you credit. My BFF from high school goes for long spurts as his wife is a costume person and tours with music groups and shows, etc.
Those cookies look amazing by the way.
FourthGradeNothing.com
That is a long time. We stay connected by phone calls, written notes, and sweet text messages. It's hard, but those little things are nice reminders that someone loves you regardless of where they are. Good luck with your long distance stint!
ohh that is so cute that you leave food for him in the freezer :-) yes, do the cookie dough thing!
Aaahh, I think concentrating on the exciting new experience might help and remembering that distance makes the heart grow fonder, i.e. being together again will be even sweeter.
I have the hardest time being away from my boyfriend. We started dating a few weeks before school started my freshman year, and have spent a lot of time trying to negotiate what long distance means, since I not only go to school out of state, I am also a dancer like you.
Ugh, that is hard!! I love the food idea... besides the need, food is such a soul and heart comfort, especially when prepared by a loved one - you can't help but think of them! I say repeat the lasagna, spaghetti and add the cookie dough to your arsenal! ;)
xoxo J
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, cliche but true. Take your ticket & plane and fly.
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