In the last post I told you that I have befriended three dancers, two Americans and a Scot.
One of the Americans is a model while the other one looks like Marilyn Monroe.
Every time we go out we always get so many cat calls from English men it's becoming a little ridiculous.
My birthday night was by far the most ridiculous of them all.
image via Pinterest via Parole Santels
The girls and I were sitting in a restaurant waiting for Paul the Scot so there was an empty chair next to me.
A guy came up and asked if he could sit next to me.
I told him no.
He then sat at the table next to ours and started to ask me odd questions about my life,
which I politely deflected.
Then he began rambling about how much he wanted to marry an Asian woman,
particularly from Japan, and that he had been looking everywhere in England for one.
image via Pinterest via From London with Love
I told him he should look at a woman with respect and not based on her race.
He didn't get the hint.
I told him about Mr. Branflake and how is the perfect man and he still didn't get the hint.
Finally after ten whole minutes of blatantly and awkwardly pursuing me,
Paul the Scot showed up and told the man he was very creepy and asked him to go away.
Really, men? I know it's not just England where this happens- it's all over.
When I have a son I am definitely going to inculcate in his mind about respecting women
and the proper way to tell them you are interested.
That includes never ever cat calling one.
How do you feel about cat-calls?
How do you handle unwanted advances?
Ps... thank you all for the birthday wishes!
I am incredibly shy about my birthday but you guys always make me feel so good.
33 comments:
think of it as a MAJOR compliment babes - UR HOT!
Personally, I've begun to turn a blind eye towards unwanted advances. I just look straight ahead and refuse to make eye contact with the individual in question. Sometimes being rude/unfriendly is the only way to get your point across. :/
Funny- Im sure they are for you too!
because I'm overly nice (ha! no really, it's true. I don't like being rude to people at all.) I always feel rude telling someone who's trying to hit on me to piss off. My exhusband used to get SO mad at me, b/c I wouldn't be rude when telling guys no thanks. But at some point if a guy isn't taking a hint, it's probably the only way to get the point across.
This happens to me a lot too :( I feel like it's because I'm friendly and talk to just about everyone in hopes that I'm not being rude. But if it gets too weird, I've blatantly told people in the past to please leave me alone. It seems to work!
I've been called a bitch-face so many times, I am truly not rude or anything, I just look serious all the time so instead of compliments and cat-calls I get a lot of: "cheer up honeys" hahaha!
think of them as a compliment!! :) but when the guys go too overboard or follow you, now that is creepy!
I've gotten stuff like that for so long because of my chest size. It's usually vulgar and unwanted and I'm an absolute bitch right back.
Ugh, story of my life! I am so sorry you had to endure such blatant disrespect! It should have been clear that you were married and definitely not interested.
For us unmarried folk, I say things like "You are a creep" and "It's not in God's plans, buddy".
Actually the new guy and I have a funny story. He came up to me and was trying to talk to me, but I just wouldn't have it. He wasn't being creepy or disrespectful, I just wasn't looking for picking up men that night (or most nights really...). He made good with my friends and that gave him the in. Turns out he is so respectful, polite, funny, and pretty great! I was a jerk to him for the first hour I knew him. He actually said that is exactly the way I should act in a similar set of circumstances because I didn't know him and therefore had no reason to trust him.
That kind of brings up the question, where are us singles supposed to meet suitable partners? And how can those suitable partners talk to each other without first coming across as weird or creepy?
Haha, oh dear - how uncomfortable! I usually don't even bother with engaging them in conversation :) Is that mean? But I figure, if that's the way they choose to approach me, then they clearly don't really care about that anyway. I tend to ignore cat calls entirely :)
There is not much worse than cat calling. Seriously. It's not flattering and only the women with no self respect seem to fall for it.
In an odd way, it can be meant as a compliment, but it is creepy and I have never liked that sort of approach. I would probably look so disgusted that the man would 'up sticks and go' anyway. I have no time for men who disrespect women ... and I am sure that Mr. Branflake would 'clock him one' if he had the opportunity.
'Base' is the word I would use to describe this type of incident.
BUT continue to have a great time there in London.!
Awww poor thing! I think in some parts of the world people are more forward then most. You were probably a lot nicer then I would be.
Oh, what an as*! Some guys just don't have a clue. You would think they would catch on after they realize their advances are not welcome. I always try to be polite at first but when that doesn't work a good "get lost" does it. xo
After living in the Caribbean I got used to it- there men do it constantly. I just think it is so rude-
I think if your husband has the personality and disposition to NOT do it that it will be easy to raise son's that don't either.
Happy Belated!
It's always so baffling to me that men STILL do that! I'll admit, though, that it doesn't happen too often to me...so when it does I NEVER know what to do. I think I may even lead them on unintentionally because I'm not practiced in the art of "no"!
first of all, way to whip out the word "inculcate!" :) secondly, it's crazy when men don't get it. when you tell them no, when you tell them you're married, and when you are sending strong "go away" vibes, and they still keep at it?! what are they thinking, really? has that ever worked for them? i used to go to gay bars to go dancing by myself. i didn't want to worry about creepy guys, but wouldn't you know it, a straight guy would always find me. um hello, i was at a gay bar so i WOULDN'T have to deal with getting hit on by men. i've come to a point in my life though where i just have these blunt conversations with men. i'll call them out and explain to them that when they act that way it makes women not want to give them a chance. i usually offer advice on what to do next time and i often throw something in about their mothers {"what would your mother say if she saw you acting like this with women?"}. i figure i don't owe them any niceties if they aren't going to treat me with respect, but i also feel like i should do my part on behalf of the next girl. the more i think about it though, guys who act this way are usually dealing with something pretty big internally. they often have a personality disorder and can't understand why their tactics don't work, or they're intentionally trying to get women to yell at them in an attempt to emotionally punish themselves for something. it's sad really.
Gah, what a crazy situation! I feel like most men get the hint eventually, but "I'm married to the perfect guy" should get the message across.
I've been known to let lose a barrage of insults and obscene gestures to cat callers-but only if they catch me on the wrong day. I once told someone I wasn't walking by to get their attention, but to go pick up some tampons! Oops!
I'd say that not everything is good in France but men here do know how to be a dash more stylish when approaching... Now after writing this I'll surely bump into a 'pain in the neck'!
Gah! I hate cat-calls! Usually I ignore men who do it, or stare them straight in the face with a withering look. If I'm feeling particularly bold I call them out on it. "Do you think this makes me feel attractive? It doesn't. It makes me feel anxious. That couldn't possibly be your aim right?"
Gross. Some men have no clue.
man they love you there!! haha!! i always find it flattering but i ignore them or politely point out that i'm married! i don't think european guys care as much!
Usually just ignore, and they get the hint, if not, its "you are being rude," although that type seem to think they are quite the ladies man.
xoxo
Karena
Art by Karena
That second picture, the one with the quote, is just hysterical. I think I should go tell my husband that.
I hate cat-calls and the like. They just make me uncomfortable and awkward. When I was single, I always used to make up a pretend boyfriend and start talking about him if I ever got in an awkward situation like that. But I wasn't extremely social, so most of those occurred at work (a chick-fil-a) and my close friend there would pretend to be my boyfriend or brother, depending on the occasion, and it usually worked.
My favorite awkward flirt was a guy who asked me a bunch of questions about my relationship status and then gave me a religious tract when he could tell I wasn't interested.
first of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D second of all, i definitely found British guys to be quite persistent when i studied there... and telling them that i had a boyfriend (now my hubby) didn't seem to deter them. so disrespectful! i usually just ignore them the best i can. that guys sounds particularly oblivious/creepy!
fantastic blog !
I, um, have never had this problem. I also have always had funky friends, not HOT friends so I've never even had to witness this. It's weird, but I think I'd feel really uncomfortable. Yesterday, I was in Lowe's and a man smiled at me, said hello and winked. I looked around in shock like, was he talking to me? I honestly do not think that's ever happened before and it just feels weird. Maybe when you're used to it, it's a whole diff thing.
This really is weird. Either it's just your drop-dead geourgeousness or you are being unlucky. When I moved to the UK I was very surprised how restrained men are - it actually confused me a bit because in continental Europe the whole flirting thing is much stronger... Now I take it for granted.
I have to admit though that when I was in San Francisco the last time I actually forgot I was a woman because NO MAN ever checked me out... Perhaps it's different cultural expectancies and habits?
I will try and be nice and say thank you, but no thank you. but if the guy doesnt get it then I am not so nice, and i shut that down. boo that mess!
I HATE cat-calling! Nothing makes me feel more worthless than when some random guy on the street cat calls... I NEVER respond or acknowledge it in any way, not even a batted eyelash. Once, a guy mistook my lack of reaction as an indication that I hadn't heard, and whistled LOUDER a SECOND time.
I just try to remember what Jerry Seinfeld says: When men cat call, its the best idea they've had all day. HA!
I had no idea British men could get like this, but I'm sure it's not the British thing and just a man thing. Typically I've just ignored cat calls and given other men the evil stare if they're coming on too strong. That usually takes care of it. I have a wicked evil stare. I'll let you borrow it next time you travel.
Thank goodness Paul the scot came to the rescue, I must admit I wouldn't have been as polite as you.
Always so hard to know what to do as all men can react different at least he gave in in the end & you were safe :) xx
It was sort of a compliment, but I would have found the guy really creepy!
I'm not often rude to people but with some people (particularly men) I have had to be blunt, otherwise they don't take the hint.
It sounded like a very uncomfortable situation. It was lucky that your friends were there to help.
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