Pillow from In Between Laundry. She even gives a tutorial on how to make them.
And the story about why she made it is incredibly sweet.
Yesterday I told you about how I decided not to be in a long distance relationship with Mr. Branflake but now I'm curious about all of you who were or are currently in one.
What is your advice to anyone in a long distance relationship
or contemplating one?
Leave your comment below or email me your advice to dancingbranflake at gmail.com
Your response may be published in the follow-up post.
Your response may be published in the follow-up post.
27 comments:
I was no good at the long distance thing.. which is why I moved after 3 months of dating Bryan. haha :]
Hmmm... I have not had this experience myself but I imagine it would be rough. I am sure the moments spent together would be sweeter and really appreciated. xoxo
I have never been in a long-distance relationship before, but I, personally, don't think that they can really work out. Relationships take so much time and nurturing to make them come to fruition, something that can't truly be achieved via weekend visits and phone calls. :/
You know, I felt like I was always doing the long-distance thing when I was in college. I was at school in CT and my first boyfriend went to school in DC. We eventually broke up, and though my current boyfriend went to the same school as me, he graduated a year earlier. We started dating in my senior year, when he was in Boston. I guess the biggest piece of advice I would give is to learn how to trust each other. I would go out with my friends to bars and such while he was sleeping, getting ready for the work day ahead. We just developed a good sense of communication and talked most things through. He drove down to see me every few weeks, and I would take the bus to see him. We worked through it, but it definitely wasn't easy.
Okay, this one, I can contribute to! :)
I did long distance with my boyfriend for six months while I went to Taiwan to study. My advice is to keep in constant contact! I thought that it was going to be really tough, but eventually, you just adapt and go about your life (wherever you are). And sure, you miss them...but if you have the security, knowing they will still be there for you, then you have nothing to be afraid of (so I guess, another piece of advice: don't do long distance if you're not sure of each other). When my boyfriend and I did long distance, we videochatted almost everday. Usually it would last about 5-10 minutes because of the time difference and our obligations (him: work, me: class), and our conversations were usually just: "How are you? How was your day? Any news? Okay, bye!" But it was enough to still feel connected. I think that connection is the most important, because when you're long distance, you're both going about separate lives, and you'll both be growing and changing in separate ways. The most important thing is that you're still growing in the same direction.
I'm definitely not great at a long distance relationship - I'm the type of the person that needs to actually be with the other person physically. However, I do know couples who can handle it well & are still so in love. I really think it depends on the individuals.
Oh what a loaded topic! Can I tell you from the experience of one (failed) long distance relationship and one (thriving) long distance relationship?
My advice: Both people in the committed long distance relationship need to participate in the relationship. Any imbalance will be remarkablely more noticeable and draining than what a non-long distance couple would experience. It takes more patience because sometimes the only thing you want to do is be near your partner, but you may have to wait a long period of time. It takes communication. To keep from growing apart, figure out what suits both partners and be intentional about it. My sweetheart lives in DC (all the way across the country!), but we text and email every day and talk on the phone nearly every other day. That isn't the magic formula for everyone, but it helps us to feel like the distance is not that big of a deal because we are constantly on the same page. Also, we don't feel so guilty about how we blissfully stare moony eyed into each other's faces in silence for the first 30 or so minutes when we do get to see each other. It takes support. Some people show their love through actions. Some do it through words. Some through affection. With distance, you are limited to what you can say via phone, email, text, social media, etc. and what you can mail or arrange to be delivered. Supporting each other through the limited means as well as life's regular turbulance is important. And very importantly, it takes trust. You both are living your lives and that means being in situations your partner can't see. You have to trust each other in a way that isn't rocked by your partner attending social events with their local friends, etc. You also have to be trustworthy. There isn't a strong likelihood that your partner will walk through the door at any moment. In times of loneliness, protect your relationship. When Boyfriend was visiting NYC with (single) friends, they went out and his friends were talking to women, doing their thing. Women would come up to him and one of the first things he would do is tell them how great I am. In stead of reacting negatively, they were genuinely happy that he was so happy in his relationship. I didn't have to ask him to do that. But it feels pretty great that he did :)
And finally, you must still live your life and enjoy the relationship as it is in its current state. Don't keep building the relationship around "what it could/will be". You can talk about your future, just don't make it center stage. If you ever find yourself doing that, make a quick list of all the things you appreciate about your partner and your relationship as it is, long distance. Among those things for me is eating my pint of Ben and Jerry's guilt free because I've got the whole month to work it off...
Sorry that was so long!!! Those are the things Boyfriend and I practice on a daily basis to make it work. Even though we don't see each other as often as we'd like, we are happy, feel supported and cared about, and very importantly, connected. Plus, we are kind of disgustingly adorable. Yeah, we are that couple. :)
i'm currently am in one. it def. is not the ideal situation but it has made our relationship stronger in so many ways. also what i would say with anything in life, "you won't know unless you try!"
I met Mr. Jackson on a hike up Half Dome in Yosemite Nat'l Park and we spent the entire 12 hour hike talking. The very next day he drove to Texas where he was being transferred for work. Both of us were intrigued by the other person but, we did not see much of a future after only 1 day together and then long distance the next. But, I texted him to check on his safe arrival to Texas and then the communication lines only broadened. I am so thankful for technology that allowed us to get to know each other. Texting turned to chatting online, which led to phone calls, and then video chat (we used iChat and loved being able to screen share, share photos when we were talking about something specific-or friends, and facial expressions are such a benefit when speaking)
Anyway, after 2 months of this, we decided to meet half way (I was in the Central Valley of CA) and have our first date at the Grand Canyon. We both felt it was important to eventually be in the same city to date and get to know one another and our daily life quirks every one has. 1 month after our date he requested to be transferred to where I was and we were able to date in the same city - for 3 weeks before he proposed. We were engaged for 5 months and now could not be happier.
To some, I am crazy. But long distance in the beginning was a blessing to us. We were able to get to know each other really well and then the rest was just observing how the other behaves and their habits that could possibly be a deal breaker.
I think I am babbling now, I don't even know if this all made since. But, in conclusion, long distance can work - but in my opinion, not for long.
I really like what ilene said.. its true unless you have been there and done that.. then you just dont know. so give it a shot and find out I guess..
But I feel like it is asking a lot when I havent been dating him for that long.. but then I have known (and liked0 him since I was a little girl pushing him down on the play ground.. so I feel very unseasy
I've never tried a long-distance one before. I can imagine the challenges, but I do know many that make it work. Lots of contact is key and cute little things to make you smile...like hand-written notes and sweet voice mail messages. xo
alexa
www.theshortandthesweetofit.com
Can, "Don't do it!" be my answer? I'm only half kidding.
Being in a long distance relationship is hard, just like being in a no distance relationship is hard. It's also more expensive-gas, phone bills, flights. Luckily Skype is free.
I think it's best to be prepared, and to try to have a cap on the length of time. Knowing when the whole shebang will be over is a great comfort during those really long weeks when you can't hold hands with the person you love.
I can't wait to read the grad school one!
good luck to anyone one trying it. it is REALLY HARD TO DO.
i was in one long distance relationship. he was a captain and off at sea for months at a time. it was KIND OF A NIGHTMARE. the reunions were fun, but the time in between was not so fun. ultimately it was a no go for me, particularly since there was no end in site to the long distance thang.
My advice is that you need to make sure you're seeing someone you absolutely trust and can be completely open with. Then again, I would say that about ANY relationship. But LDRs take so much trust and good communication. And both people need to be 100% into it.
I did this for a year and a half and have two big pieces of advice: (1) Get used to video chat and use it often, and (2) find ways to make the time away special: send cards and letters in the mail, make care packages, mail cookies. I actually created a puzzle that came together to reveal a big message and mailed a piece or two every week with little thoughts on the back.
I've never been in one. I have major withdrawal when J & I are apart for even a night :) But I do know quite a few people who have been in long distance relationships that have worked. The most incredible one is a friend of mine who met her future husband while she was on vacation in Australia. She lived in Jersey. They met, spent maybe 10 hours together, she flew back to the states. Fast forward 5 years and they're married now and he finally just 2 months ago moved to the states for good. Incredible.
I don't have advice to give but I do know that they can work if the people work at it.
It is really difficult. What tends to happen is every time you get together it is like a honeymoon! That is really good and not so good. When you do finally end up in the same city, then REALITY sets in.
I admit I was in a long distance relationship with my late husband. It was for a very short time though, then he put a ring on my finger and I moved to San Diego!
Xoxo
Karena
Art by Karena
I truly hope you will come and join my Giveaway from Interieurs! It is from the Jose Esteves Collection!
Tiffany, loved your post yesterday -- gutsy and risky move to say the least but something inside of you must have known.
When my sweetie and I were first dating we had a long distance relationship of sorts. I was down in the Bay Area and he was at UC Davis. Not a really super long-distance relationship but it seemed that way at the time. I can't tell you how many nights I spent on that road going back and forth - he did the same. We both were in college and worked jobs, so it was hard to drive those 2 hours each way, but we saw each other every chance we could.
We spent 2 years driving through rain, fog, early morning late at night. Of course, cut to 24 years and 5 kids later -- and it was sooooo worth it!!
xx's
I haven't been in a long distance relationship in years... but I LOVE that pillow and the story behind it.
Mine wasn't very successful, but it was more about the people involved and not the distance that was the problem!
I believe in them at the beginning but as time goes by the reality of everyday life wears people down and takes a huge toll on the relationship... unless you work for an airline and can travel all the time i advise anyone to stay away from it!
I'm in a long distance relationship and I'm very very happy.. I love my man and I feel loved too.. I'm gonna write you an email with some details.. :)
Ahhh...I have so much I could write about surviving and thriving in a long-distance relationship. My Love and I were in a long-distance relationship (Chicago to DC) for one year, then an extremely long-distance relationship (DC to Albania!) for two years while he was in the Peace Corps. Yes, that's right, THREE YEARS of an LDR and we're just about to celebrate our 4th anniversary (we live together now). Couple of key things: it's the right person, not the right relationship that makes LDRs possible (I wouldn't/couldn't have done it with anyone but him); outside interests are a must, but so is date-night creativity (we did a lot of movie dates via Skype); and communication, communication, communication. And honestly, as much as I hate to admit it now, people were right when they told me the years would fly right by (it's the individual days themselves that are long). I could write more, but the truth is, the right love, the right person is worth the distance.
ok, i'm not currently in a long distance relationship, but during college the mister and i were living on opposite sides of the country for 6 months. it was tough! but we found the best thing we could do for our relationship was the following:
1. keeping nightly phone dates. this helped us stay connected and in tune with each other's lives even though we couldn't be there in person.
2. remaining flexible and encouraging of each other's independent life. we definitely didn't expect the other to miss out on life just because we couldn't share in the same experiences.
3. getting super creative! we sent all sorts of fun packages back and forth. i even sent him my fanciest underpants with a note telling him he could hang on to them, that way he'd know i wouldn't be wearing them for anyone else.
I've experienced that long distance relationship and I'm thankful that our relationship is still going on. We've been together for almost 4years and still counting.
To keep your long distance relationship keep working you must:
1. Keep your communications open. It merely helped you connected with each other though your far away from each other.
2. Have trust with each other. Though we can't deny the fact that lots of temptations out there specially if your far away from each other. But if your guy really loves you he will never be tempted.
3. Love each other and be honest all the time.
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