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That's such an interesting phrase yet so descriptive of how some people are. It's like this "Je ne sais quoi" without apology. My sister-in-law and I were talking about this concept over Christmas and how some people just have "it," this sense of self.
I can't aptly describe what it is, but I know it when I see it. These people aren't necessarily trendy, thin, or rich. They're just them and they embrace it.
And it's captivating. It's like reading a good novel with a solid plot twists and unexpected characters. Or when you hear a good song on the radio for the first time and you know you'll never forget it. People like that are refreshing, enticing, and honestly, make really good bloggers.
Where does sense of self begin?
Are people born with it? Do they have it at a young age like this adorable model? I've been trying to get a better sense of self since I can remember. I've always been self-conscious about one random thing or another, not allowing me to embrace who I really am because I wasn't sure if I liked who I really was anyway.
Perfect example: I buy clothes that make me look thin, not necessarily clothes that reflect my style, so I often wear things that aren't "me." I've done that since I was little. And writing that out kind of makes me sad. Okay, it makes me really sad because think of how adorable I would be if I just let whimsy take over my closet.
Do you have a strong sense of self?
I bet you do. I only bet that because I've seen your blogs and have read your comments on this blog. You write without apology. You write with enthusiasm, heartfelt words, and voice. I'm not saying you're 100% in love with who you are, but you're leaving your mark on this world through just being yourself.
And that, most of all, inspires me to do the same.
What does 'sense of self' mean to you?
Do you have it? Do you know people who have it?
photos from Zara Kid's 2010 Lookbook via their Facebook page.
I blogged these photos years ago and it took me forever to finally find the correct source.
You're welcome.
27 comments:
I do, much more so than my friends or my other half, it can also translate as stubbornness and selfishness. I know my own mind, likes and dislikes, I'm not swayed by others even if it makes me unpopular. I'm not a people pleaser though I do like to keep the peace.
@Tabitha- I love that. You do like to keep peace but definitely not afraid to speak your mind. Very nice mix of the two.
Such an interesting topic and SO true. I totally marvel people who have a good sense of self. I hope it's something that's acquired because I"m working on it lol
I don't know if I have a sense of self or not. What does that mean, really? It's like asking someone to define happiness. Happy as compared to what? It's just something that is. I don't know how to be in anyone else's skin or brain but mine. I don't think it's possible to have a sense of someone else...unless you're one of those impersonator people who have chosen to kill their personality in favor of complete and total adulation of another person. But why would you want to be someone else? I have a hard enough time being me and liking who I am becoming.
Emily, I'd like to respectfully disagree with you on this one.
People pleasers don't have a strong sense of self, nor do those suffering from depression who often struggle to list things that they like/want to do in the future, their sense of self becomes lost, also those in abusive relationships who are afraid to say no in many areas of their life. And of course many of us lose it at other times too, it's the primal thread that makes each of us individually us but it can be so easily be cut down.
I think I could write a 1000 words on this.
I think that YOU do have a very strong sense of self. It's what makes your blog so real!! xo
I relate sense of self to confidence and not doubting yourself. The days that I try to be more confident are the ones that I feel better about myself. Lately, I've realized that wanting someone else has will make you crazy. I'm trying to think of all the positive things in my life, and their are a lot. :)
Love this post! Also, those pictures are just too cute.
Ugh, I just realized I used "their" and not "they're." Ha I had to correct myself being an English major and all. :)
i actually have a really strong sense of "self" - my friends would all say "so erika" - i have pitfalls tho like everyone - but overall i def know the core of who i am .. i think yoga/meditation/spiritual path has helped with that .. most of my friends are all yogi's and such - so were pretty down to earth and connected ... but HELL we all have our bads days and are not connect with out spirit and body - shiz u already know i can't stand my body right now - but i'm still connected with :o)
I know exactly what you're talking about. I think I have a better sense of self than I used to but I'm not all there yet.
Such cute pics! Being an Aquarius, I have a pretty strong sense of self which tends to make me quite straightforward. I consider it a compliment when people who know me tell me that voice of my blog is really me.
Rowena @ rolala loves
I think I have a strong sense of self. I'm not easily swayed, and I stick to my beliefs. I'm not afraid to speak my mind. I'm fiercely independent. While I love all of those things about myself, however, I feel that they are also the obstacles that have stood in my way in forming friendships and relationships. Either that, or others simply aren't extremely accepting of an individual with a strong sense of self. :/
I think you have a stronger sense of self than you think. I used to think I was lacking in self confidence - but moving to an entirely new place has taught me I am pretty comfortable in my own skin and have a good sense of self. Moving to Sacramento in 2010- I thought, I am going to try and be a more reserved and quiet person who listens more than I speak. HA! Didn't work, wasn't me. So when I moved to PHX, I came in with guns blazing - Hi I'm Holly and I am a wee bit crazy!
I'm getting there...I didn't have a strong sense of self for a long time. I was horrendously shy as a kid, and I always thought there was something wrong with me. But I've embraced my shyness, and I've embraced by introverted self. And after having a baby I've really learned to embrace my physical self as well. For some reason giving birth FINALLY led to an appreciation of my body that I NEVER had before. I actually think my acceptance of my physical appearance is more important for Avery than it is for me...I would hate it if she saw me hating my body, and teaching her that imperfections are bad. I want her to grow up with a healthy love of herself and her body.
What a beautiful post!! And can't my future baby girl PLEASE be this cute?!?! So precious :)
xo TJ
I agree, I believe sense of self is this confidence that people have and how secure they are with themselves - it's inspiring :)
And that kid is sooo cute!
I was talking to my mom the other day and she said, "You were never a kid, you never grew into being an adult–you were always the person you are now." And while I like to think that I'm capable of growth and a little change, I do feel like I know myself pretty well–and hell, I'm a bit of a fan!
PS–pretty big fan of your self, too lady!
Yes, a 'sense of self' does mean knowing who we are as people. Now, if you are adding the way we dress to that definition,,, well, I evolved in that area. I've learned to avoid trends and stay true to clothes I'll really wear. So many trips to Goodwill & consignment shops have taught me that!
I have a pretty strong sense of self. It can make me unpopular...but if I'm not true to myself and people like what they see, they're not really seeing me! As for fashion, it's hard to let it rip and march to your own drummer in our critical society but the freedom it brings is fabulous. I've always had a very strong sense of self but I think it can also be developed.
This is a great post! I'm grappling with my sense of self. It's been a road of sometimes painful discovery but it's how I'm learning, period. Sometimes growing is painful.
www.rsrue.blogspot.com
:)
I do have a strong sense of self. It's so interesting to read what it means to other people.
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I'd like to believe I do have a strong sense of self... I just hope other people think so too.
The pics are so cute.
first, i don't think that there is anything wrong with one buying clothes that make one look thin :) i think it's flattering - i do it too, and so many very confident and successful women that i know do the same. :) second - as a mom, i see how CRUCIAL parenting is to one's sense of self. it is in that early childhood that this confidence is either reinforced or shaken. mine was shaken - not an exception here though. it took me being ,if you will - reborn - in a new country, by myself - literally, because i WAS by myself for a few years - to figure out WHO i really was and WHAT i really needed for MY personal happiness. once that was sorted out - life has fallen into it's place. I look at my 4 little kids right now, and see that the less I shape their personalities, but WORK with them instead, the more confident they are. they simply blossom. I feel this is crucial to their future success in life. THAT , however, has nothing to do with discipline. MANNERS STILL MATTER :)
When it comes to clothes I'm a bit all over the place, though I don't like frills or fripperies or gold bits or labels. But when it comes to people and what I like to do I'm very decisive. Indecision as they say is a decision in itself. I've lived in many countries and I know now that wherever you go there you are. You have to accept yourself warts and all and only then will you be happy. Going somewhere else however many palm trees and however white the sand will not make you any happier. Gosh my life is totally driven by two cliches- or are they aphorisms? yikes
This post has definitely got me reflecting! Back in junior high and much of high school, I had little to none sense f self.. I was so self-conscious and guided by others opinions/likes etc. I have slowly learned t be comfortable in my own skin and my sense of self has grown exponentially. I still have a ways to go but I am pretty happy with the progress I've made in loving myself. Great post!
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